Lets drink a toast (you can choose your own beverage for this) to Mark Burnett :The Bwana Mkubwa of topographically, politically and culturally relevant TV show production. And for living up to the pledge, so far anyway, that he would make good and proper use of the culture of the country in which he was filming, which is, ofcourse, Kenya.

Pongezi, Bwana Televisioni!

Dung beetles! Now that is clever. Who would have thought of making a challenge out of little bugs that push great chunks of animal waste around? And then going even further and tying it to the Myth of Sysiphus? Well done, Mark. And assistants.

I would also like to doff my pith helmet for the cow sticking sequence. I thought that was very well presented. Other than the utter nonsense of swabbing the cows neck in an attempt to make it look more sterile and that rather absurd statement from JP about the cleanliness of it all and how harmless the blood would be to the contestants.

Those cows drink whatever water they can. They are, I am sure, happy for any tar smelling, mold covered, bug infested, dung floating, pond scum there is on tap. They eat whatever grass is available regardless of what, or who, it was fertilized with. Unless that cow was imported from a nice, nearby organic dairy farm, of which there are none, there is no way that its blood was in anyway totally safe for American consumption. We do not have the tolerance for the bacteria that people who were raised in that part of the world do. And that arrow was not sterilized. Or painless. The cow nearly levitated when hit and that was not a sign of glee. But, that is another topic; it was certainly authentic enough.

[I am thinking up a Swahili name for JP. Maybe something along the lines of 'He- who- gets- stuck-in- the- neck- with- an -arrow- and- suffers -no -harm.' How about Bwana Ganzi? It means 'numb.' I am open to suggestion here.]

I also applaud that the Samburu tribesman were seen, in that episode as well as in the opening shots, as the beautiful and majestic people they are. It might have been a bit more ethnically interesting had the main fellow been called something other than Charles. His name is not Charles, atleast not back in his village. Couldn't a Leboyare or a Mamutelil have been added?

The guy in the "drop off truck" with the rifle (the one that CBS referred to as an Esacri, which I think was a stab at askari, Swahili for 'guard') was all too accurate. Scary guys in military garb brandishing rifles and yelling at you is a far too common occurrence in Africa. But it was accurate and location appropriate. The little "Have a nice day" at the end was supposed to make the whole incident seem light and funny. The problem is that in most African countries, and Kenya is no exception, it is anything but funny. If one of those 'military' types gets cranky and puts your face in the cross hairs, you can disappear and never be heard from again. American citizen or no. The lawlessness that haunts those countries is frightening. That sequence gave me the chills.

The opening footage with the little African children running behind the truck was meant to show their natural, childlike exuberance and general joie de vivre. It was, I am sure, supposed to be charming. But, if you look closely, you can see that they are all in rags. Rags, old, torn T- shirts and ratty western clothing.

The children are running after the truck to get a handout. They are begging. And they are begging because they have been taught to do so and because they are probably close to starving. And because tourists, misguidedly, give them things. Kenya has the highest birthrate in the world with the average woman bearing 9 children. There is not enough work and wages are paltry. Adding to that, the proliferation of AIDS has raised the number of orphans into the hundreds of thousands, most of whom end up begging.

I am pleased that it was shown at all as it was an accurate portrayal; children do chase cars and are begging everywhere you go in Africa. This is not, however, a cause for laughter and celebration. It is a very tragic and desperate situation.

The animals in the opening sequences are all properly indigenous to Shaba. Except for the Wildebeests and the Common Zebras. The majority of the footage was, no doubt, shot in the Masaai Mara, but that's really quibbling. He got the Gerenuk (the little gazelles standing on their hind legs) and the Oryx (the large antelopes with the long saber-like horns) right. Both species only exist in the north.

The majority of the decorations are more typical of Zaire then Kenya, but most of the artwork that is labeled 'African' comes from the west coast. The "mail box," the stools and camera huts at TC, and many of the masks are closer to Zairoise in design. But the small water gourds and the larger water jugs are most likely Kenyan and from the Rendille tribe. (That, by the way, is my choice for the merged tribe name. It's the other large tribe north of Shaba.)

OK, So much for the first two episodes. What do we have to look forward to?

Just for fun, and in the interest of the educational aspect of Survivor that I know is of primary importance to the viewing public, I have compiled a list of location specific events the Big Bwana might be planning. I did not send this list to him before July, nor did he seek my council, but here is what I would have suggested for future challenges:

Spear throwing. That is almost a no brainer. The Samburu warriors kill lions to prove their manhood, but that probably won't fly. Rolling tire inner tubes could work as a substitute.

Camel races. There are plenty of camels up near Shaba and there is an annual camel race in Maralal. Camels have a very bad reputation for spitting at you and being hard to ride, but that would be the challenge. And you would have to hobble it when you were done. Bending a camels foot and foreleg up to meet its upper leg and then tying them together with a rope would be very authentic.

Sucking the marrow out of the bone of a cows leg would be interesting. High in protein too. But the cow has to be dead, and the hoof is hard to disguise, so that might not be too good.

Earlobe stretching would take awhile, but you could do one challenge early in the series and then come back later to add larger pieces and check on your progress. They could be beaded or even have faux ivory plugs inserted.

Tracking animals . Ofcourse the real Samburu track lions in the dust or their stolen cattle, but something appropriate could be devised. One team could track the other and vice versa.

There could be some elaborate face and body painting. It only takes some whitened mud being dug up. And ofcourse the nudity would heighten the ratings.

Jumping. The Samburus jump for hours on end when dancing. It has to look effortless and you have to jump higher and last longer than anyone else, but it is very athletic.

There is a very common ritual that takes place before almost all ceremonies of any importance in the Samburus' lives. Their hair is scraped off. Down to the scalp. This is almost always done by their mothers and usually with a piece of iron. The Turkana 'wrist knives' the contestants are currently using as can openers are totally appropriate, and someone's Mom could be flown in.

And ofcourse the ultimate he man challenge, maybe best saved for the last four left standing: the ultimate ritualistic, passage to manhood... circumcision.

I will be watching the upcoming episodes to see what other culturally relevant materials and challenges MB has cooked up for us.

And to see if JP has developed any nerve endings.

Pongezi, Bwana Televisioni = Congratulations, Mister TV!

Mkubwa = big